Hitting the bottom!

Having a really crappy time at the moment! The pain & awkwardness of my body not working properly is really starting to get me down. I’m sick to death of shit days, wanting to do things and not feeling up to it.

The pain yesterday had me in tears more than once & although today is a bit easier pain wise, the lack of energy is just as frustrating. I’ve also started my period so the arthritic stiff soreness & shooting pains are joined by stomach cramps and a general feeling of yuckiness! Quite honestly...I’ve had enough, it’s really getting me down & I’m sick of feeling miserable. I have a mouth full of ulcers, one of which is just inside my lip so I keep biting it every time I eat and my lack of co-ordination & gripping strength means I keep dropping things on the floor...just what I don’t need!

In addition to my usual aches and pains I’m also trying to deal with a foot injury which is causing me a lot of pain ~ it feels as though the heel of my foot is bruised & every time I take a step it it’s like standing on a red hot nail & I’ve got a lot of pain in my ankle now too, the combination of which is making walking anywhere a painful experience.

I haven’t actually got to the bottom of what’s causing it but from the symptoms it sounds as though I might have Heel Spurs or a problem with the plantar fascia in my right foot. I’m reluctant to go to my GP because, in my experience, he’ll either give me drugs (I can’t take any more than I am already) or refer me to a physiotherapist which, last time, took 14 weeks!! I’ve found a good website with advice on how to treat this problem so I’m going to try some of the recommended exercises, hot & cold packs etc. And if there’s no improvement soon then I’ll pay privately to see the guy who’s been treating me since I was 18, he’s a miracle worker! He uses a combination of treatments (acupuncture seems to work best for me) and the results are usually noticeable after the 1st or 2nd treatment. Of course the downside is that it costs money, £35 per session last time I went & I usually need 3 or 4 sessions, and although its money I can ill afford, it’s worth it.

Having this injury has made me realise just how much I tolerate pain. I suppose because I’ve learnt to deal with pain for so many years, when I injure myself in a different way, I don’t tend to take much notice or do anything about it, I just live with it in the same way I live with Arthur. I just ignore the pain as best I can & do my best to carry on as normal (whatever that is these days!!). That’s not always a good thing I know. Some years ago I slipped some rocks by the sea & landed heavily on my left shin just below my knee. It was so painful when it happened that I honestly thought I’d broken something. But I sat & focussed on pushing away the pain & used the breathing techniques I use for coping with Arthur to help me deal with the pain and after a while I was able to get up and walk back to the car. Looking back I think I should have gone to the hospital to make sure everything was ok, but I didn’t and I still have quite a significant swelling on my shin which doesn’t appear to be going anywhere soon. I’ve had lots of incidents like that; you’d be justified in calling me clumsy ~ maybe it has something to do with Arthur! I don’t tend to take a lot of notice of pain, I just deal with it but I don’t necessarily think that’s always a good thing, pain is our body’s way of telling us something’s wrong.

So here I am, shuffling around the house again when what I really want to be doing is roaming the wilderness with the kids & the dogs! I’m pissed off & worn out with it all & if the kids weren’t here I could easily just sit & cry all day! Maybe I'll try and get out for a walk when Phil comes home from work...I could do with the moral support!